Self-awareness is the building block to which all elements of Emotional
Intelligence are built upon. It is important to gain a full understanding of
your emotions and how they relate to others in order to effectively make
decisions both in and out of the workplace.
Self awareness is defined as
understanding 1. what is important to you, 2. understanding how you experience
things, 3. knowing what you want, 4. knowing how you feel, and 5. knowing how
you come across to others (Weisinger, 1998). By developing self-awareness
through these five elements, you will be more prepared to make decisions that
will not only increase your emotional satisfaction, but also the satisfaction of
the people you interact with.
Emotional intelligence is based on the idea
that you must first become aware of your emotions before you are able to alter
your behavior for better results. Studies show that managers who maintain a high
level of self-awareness posses more aspects of EQ and are therefore rated as
more effective by both superiors and subordinates than those who are not
self-aware (Harvard Business Review). Knowledge about the nature of your
personality is vital to making sound decisions. Emotional awareness is knowing
what emotions you are feeling and why, and understanding the links between your
feelings and your actions (Goleman, 1999). In other words, its the ability to
take a step back from the situation to become aware of what's happening rather
than become immersed in it and loose control (Goleman, 1998).
Tuning into
emotions is not easy for most people. Dr. John D. Mayer, a psychologist at the
University of New Hampshire, has identified three categories that he believes
people fall into when it comes to identifying and dealing with their emotions.
1. Self-aware. These people are aware of their moods as they are having
them. Their mindfulness helps them manage their emotions. When they are in a bad
mood they don't obsess about it, and are able to get out of it sooner.
2. Engulfed. These are people who often feel swamped by their emotions
and helpless to escape them, as though their emotions have taken charge. They
are not very aware of their feelings, so that they are lost in them rather than
having some perspective. As a result, they do little to try to escape bad moods,
feeling they have no control over their emotional life. They often feel
overwhelmed and emotionally out of control.
3. Accepting. While these
people are often clear about what they are feeling, they also tend to be
accepting of their moods, and so don't try to change them. There seem to be two
branches of the accepting type: those who are usually in good moods and so have
little motivation to change them, and people who, despite their clarity about
their moods, are susceptible to bad ones but accept them with a laissez-faire
attitude, doing nothing to change them despite their distress- a pattern found
among depressed people who are resigned to their despair (Goleman,
1998).
As you can see, self-awareness is not getting carried away with
emotions, but rather objectively identifying them in order to take control of
the subsequent actions resulting from these emotions. By acknowledging your
emotions, you can manage them, deal with them and then move on. This is very
difficult for some people to do. It is much easier at times to just ignore, deny
or rationalize your emotions. It is crucial, however, for us to develop an
understanding of what we are feeling in order to use our emotions intelligently.
Emotions can tell us through instant feedback whether a decision or act is
right for us. What we call "gut feelings" or " intuition" are feelings that have
been formed by experiences in our past. By tuning into these gut feelings, we
are able to use information about similar situations that we have experienced in
the past. This is particularly important in recognizing what is important to
you, knowing what you want and how you feel in different situations. Gut
feelings can identify your true intentions in a situation. If you feel happy,
satisfied, or content with a decision, it is a good indication that your
decision coincided with your true intention. However, if you start to resent, or
feel uneasy in a situation, you probably did not go with your true intention.
Self-awareness allows you to connect with emotions, thoughts, and actions (Susik
& Megerian, 1999).
Emotions are not just psychological impulses; they
are also physiological "feelings." One way of identifying an emotion is to
understand where in your body you feel that emotion. For example, think about
where in your body you feel fear. Does your stomach ache, or do parts of your
body grow tight? What about love or anger (Steiner, 1997)? If you can become
aware of where these emotions physically occur in your body, it will be easier
for you to identify them and act accordingly.
Along with becoming
emotionally aware, you must also learn to become aware of your actions. One way
to do this is by examining how you make appraisals. Appraisals are all of the
different impressions, interpretations, evaluations, and expectations you have
about yourself, others, and situations (Weisinger, 1998). These appraisals are
largely influenced by your personal filter. It takes everything you gather as
sensory data, information gathered through your five senses, and interprets it
through a filter of information already stored in you mind. People with a high
self-awareness are conscious of the filtering process and how it affects their
perceptions. Negative appraisals can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.
However, being aware of this allows you to change your attitudes and actions.
Becoming aware of your thoughts allows you to understand how they influence your
feelings, actions and reactions thus allowing you to alter them accordingly.
Shortcomings in Emotional Intelligence come from habit learned early on
(Fisher, 1998). Self-awareness is the first step to identifying and changing
your behaviors. In order to change a habit, you must first notice when you're
falling into it, and second, practice a different response. "By being aware, you
can do a little better each time you try" (Farnham, 1996).
SREE NIDHI S
K
Oscar Murphy International
Life Strategists, Behavioral Trainers,
Coaches & Change Agents
Email: sree@oscarmurphy.com
Phone: Mobile: 91 9343714606
Office: 91 80 41161534 / 35
Singapore & Bangalore
Web:
www.oscarmurphy.com
Reprinted with permission.
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